As I’ve been wallowing in the pit of “something has got to change, but what?” I’ve started checking out the Dietgirl.org archives. Like from the very very beginning, when she was 351 lbs and first stepped on the scale at Weight Watchers.
What’s inspiring to me there is that she has these entries that hint at (or state) the kind of self-pity and self-hate with which I’m so familiar. There are posts when she talks about low points and feeling down. And, yet, she triumphs. I mean, of course it must be a continual struggle — you really can imagine it in those early days — but she manages to stay positive more often than not. (I am guilty, I know, of writing here when I am more negative, and want to spill my guts, rather than keeping a “chin up” attitude.)
I’ve got a lot more challenges than she. Every single morning and evening are spoken for by a certain pair of boys. (Like right now I can hear one creeping up the stairs while the other sits here in his jumping chair.) So it’s not just a matter of, “I’ll go to the gym tonight.” Still, it isn’t impossible, either. And I’ve got my husband’s support — at least he says he will support me, though his actions may be a little different.
The couple of times I lost weight successfully, life was fairly low-pressure. It was my last semester of college, when I only had a couple of classes left to go before I graduated. (70 lbs gone, but not forever!) And, another time, things were a little more intense, but I just had my food delivered to my door every day, so I didn’t have to make any choices (about 40-50 lbs gone and back that time). As soon as the stress ratcheted up, so did my weight. I’m not going to be able to re-create those situations now, that’s for sure, but maybe I tailor my weight-loss efforts to these times. I try to exercise 1x a week, rather than signing up for a triathlon. I can watch portion sizes more, banish “seconds” and go easy on the butter, rather than going gung-ho into low-fat, no-calorie everything (since I need to cook stuff that’s palatable to the family). Honestly, I’ve been eating so badly, and so crazily, lately — and it’s been ME, not the family — that there is plenty of room for improvement.
The question is, do I join WW online so I have some kind of points guideline — and risk feeling like a failure if I go over? Or so I just start doing it on my own, saving money and possibliy sanity — and risk failing for lack of accountability? I’m leaning toward #2. Just in the last couple of days I’ve been more mindful, paying attention to what I put in my mouth and noticing when I’m satisfied, and I already feel better. Maybe it’s enough to start like this.
Sometimes I read the early archives too and get SO jealous of myself, because in the beginning I had no obstacles, no distractions to stop me. Sure I don’t have kids but there have been some nasty big events or circumstances that ensured my efforts were less than ideal!
But i think the key when life is insanely busy is redefining what “ideal” is – and that has often been like ONE walk a week or ONE healthy meal a day… like that is all i can manage and that will have to do. If i can do that one little thing consistently then i start getting somewhere. rather than trying to do too much and making myself crazy then wind up eating a tub of icecream in tears.
i’m probably not making any sense but i just wanted to pipe up with my empathy and hope you are feeling okay! option #2 sounds like a goodun, and don’t forget you have us kids here in internetland for accountability
(thank you so much for adding the widget, you rule!)
Thanks, Shauna. Inspiring me both in the past AND in the present
BTW, I didn’t mean to imply that you don’t have any challenges. I just mean that you back in 2001 had a bit of a simpler life than I do now — and simpler than YOU have now, too, I’m sure. Your suggestion for changing the goals to fit the times sounds like a great one, too. I’m actually excited.