It’s funny how I try and try and try to make things go right, and then, when I start to think about something else, I have a really good day, eating-wise. I had a pretty big breakfast today, but then I wasn’t hungry for lunch until around 3:30 p.m. So that was when I ate lunch. And, of course, that meant I wasn’t really hungry for dinner when I made something for the boy. So I didn’t eat. Simple as that. Then, as part of the kid’s nightime routine, I brushed my teeth with him. And now, though I have a little tiny rumble going, I’m going to go to sleep without dinner.
Besides the whole “good eating day” buzz, I’ve also just begun thinking more positively about the future of my weight struggle. On my way driving home today, crossing over the San Francisco Bay, I thought to myself… “you know, I’m really full from eating an Amy’s frozen lasagna and a piece of banana bread. How might it be if I just listened to my body and stopped eating when I was full (or, uh, satisfied)?” Hmm…
I feel like my capacity to eat has actually dropped. I get heartburn, and that overly-stuffed feeling, more easily now. Smaller amounts of food make me uncomfortable. So, I really need to just go with this… feel it… be there.
I’m also jazzed because, thanks to a recent Dietgirl.org post full of links, I have discovered a few new dietblogs that will likely become regular reads. Sadly, some of the folks I used to read regularly have stopped blogging. (Far be it from inconsistent me to berate them.) So my dietblog reading list has been somewhat shortened. I am not at a point where I’m that interested in marathon running diaries or super-fitness training blogs. It’s just so far from where I’m at that it depresses me. But there is a whole universe, apparently, of folks struggling with the same conscious eating stuff that I’ve been blabbing about most recently. Duh. Why does this suprise me? Anyway, it’s great just to read about these fellow travelers’ thoughts, and hopes, and feelings.
Speaking of feelings, I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed by my son’s temper tantrums, etc. (Not to mention hitting fellow day care kids, etc.) that I bought a book called something like “The Emotional Life of a Toddler,” and the main message is: emotions are hard to deal with. Toddlers melt down because they just plain don’t know what to do with the intense emotions — frustration, fear, anger — that everday life creates. So, my job, as a parent, is to reassure him that I still love him, that there’s life after anger, and that, if you work really hard, you can conquer the thing that’s frustrating you. (At least if it’s something like learning to put a cap on a pen, which is the level of thing that sets him off now.)
The other interesting thing. The book (and another I’ve read recently) really highlight the fact that a parent’s own feelings — things like unresolved emotional issues, feelings of guilt, etc. — can really influence the way we react to our kid’s behaviors. In the past few weeks, I’ve made some parenting blunders that I’m ashamed of, but doing this reading showed me that my situation was not only very common, but expected. Bound to happen, in fact, on occasion. Well, that’s a relief. And that “feelings and emotions are hard to deal with sometimes” sentiment? Yup. Couldn’t agree more. Thankfully, I’m pretty sure I’m not teaching the kid that eating is the solution to cancelling out challenging emotions. Now if I can only teach myself.