Where to start?

It was one morning last week. I was getting the boy ready for day care, and myself ready for work, and the phone rang downstairs. It was my husband, which wasn’t surprising. He often calls, or I call him, in the mornings, when we’re just starting our day and he’s a few hours into his, way over there in NYC. What WAS surprising was what he said next. He told me his left eye was "out of commission." "What?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

It turned out he’d awoken to blurry vision in his left eye, accompanied by a terrible headache, which was exacerbated whenever he moved his eyes from side to side. He felt like there was serious "pressure" in his head, and now it was coming down into his eye. He’d been having headaches for the last few days, but attributed it to a residual hangover from a big night out earlier in the week.

I’m sure you can imagine the thoughts that went through my mind. Could it be a brain tumor? Migraines? A brain tumor? Two doctors later, he’s still in the process of being diagnosed, but there’s an slight chance that this is the first symptom of multiple sclerosis. Then again, it could just resolve itself, no problem. Yes, that’s what the eye doctor told him. And you should have heard his voice, the catch in his throat, when he told me about the chance of MS. He’s going in for an MRI this week, we hope.

I’ve pretty much spent the last few days forbidding myself to think about it, sort of putting reality (or possible reality) on hold, as I focus on logistical details. He was told not to travel by air, if he could help it, so that nixed a planned trip here last weekend. I wanted immediately to go to him to be by his side. But that’s ignoring the financial realities of our situation. We have a child to care for. We  have a house to care for. We both have jobs. And flying at the holidays can be outrageously expensive, especially last minute.

So I threw myself into working, into planning, into getting ready to fly to be with him NEXT week, when he’ll get the MRI results. And pretending that this is all just a vacation. Just a pleasant trip to NYC, not a worry-filled journey with an unknown destination. And now, we are pretty much set, though I still have to arrange a cat sitter. We’ve got flights, a hotel (with kitchenette), a day care for the boy, and I’m scheduled to work from our New York office.  So now the waiting, and the worrying begins anew. Send prayers our way.