Well… I’m demoralized. It’s hard to tell whether it was the debauchery of the Scottish vacation, or maybe the fact that I just started my period (for only the second time in a couple of years), but my head is not in the right place. And it’s definitely showing in my eating, and in my weight. Aargh. Sometimes there’s a measure of hope there… a light at the end of the tunnel… but mostly it’s dark and sad and hopeless. So I live for the immediate rather than thinking of the future, which pretty much guarantees that I stay miserable. Again, I’m considering going to a doctor to talk about anti-depressant meds. What am I, if not depressed?
One thing that may be contributing to all this is an excess of drink. As I said, I just returned from Scotland where life (at least among hubby’s friends and family) comes with a lot of booze. And of course, we were on vacation and socializing, which guarantees that drink will be involved. Then, yesterday, we had visitors in town, who we took to Sonoma County for wine tasting. It was fun, but there’s this hangover… not just the alcohol hangover but also the “general overindulgence” hangover, in which I regret some of my actions and feel terrible about myself.
I really just need a lift. I need to do something good and positive and right and true, so I can redeem myself in my own eyes. Right now it’s just negative, negative negative. I probably should be taking a cue from other bloggers and keeping my negativity to myself, but that’s all I’ve got right now. Anyway, I’ll stop. It’s just been a while so I wanted to check in. I’m sure I’ll come out of this fog. It might just be hormonal. But right now it feels pretty impenetrable. Aargh.