It’s been a whole two days since I’ve been focusing pretty seriously on doing Core, and my weigh-in this morning seemed to indicate it is working. (I weigh-in every morning on my little % body fat scale, and try to average it all out so I know what’s an anomaly.) Such a boost to the ego and to the motivation to see numbers move downward, even slightly.
In my last year at college, many years ago, I was around 205 lbs and wanted to get serious about losing weight. Things were pretty relaxed. I was only taking 9 hours (3 classes) and I had a part-time job at a coffee shop in the local mall. No big pressure. I joined Weight Watchers, and I started losing — the pounds just seemed to fall off. Before it was all through, I graduated, moved back in with my mom (no job right out of college, alas), joined a gym, and continued the downward trend. I lost 70 lbs in all and, at my skinniest, bought a gorgeous “little black dress” in size 5/7.
It was really easy. Or so it seems to me now, looking back. I was completely militant about staying within my points and I managed to stay on program quite easily. I was even exercising nearly every day, becoming a Stairmaster junkie.
But then, the real stresses hit. I couldn’t find a job in my field (I ended up waitressing which was a complete bummer), my relationship with my boyfriend went on the rocks, and I just generally had a hard time adjusting to no longer being fat. I remember going out with one guy (not a great choice — someone I’d met in a bar) and he somehow got a look at my driver’s license and discovered I’d once been fat. “Ah, now I understand why you went out with me,” he mused. Even he’d known he was beneath me, but my self-image hadn’t caught up with my outer appearance.
Anyway, all this to say that I began to realize that there was another dimension to my weight problem — an emotional one. For a long time during the weight loss process I managed to convince myself that I just hadn’t been educated about how to eat healthy. Now that I knew the secret, I thought, all I have to do is follow WW and I can lose whenever I want. Ha.
Ok, so I’m rambling here but the point is that I’m going through something of an emotionally difficult time right now. I’ve got a young son who I adore. My husband hates his job and has just been asked by his company how he’d feel about moving to the East Coast (after having just moved us West a year and a half ago). My job is getting dull after 7 years and I’m just not getting the satisfaction out of it that I once did. Meanwhile, I am fat (back up to end-of-college level) and struggling with my identity.
Thankfully we’ve got a vacation upcoming, though I’m going to have to be very careful not to overdo it during the trip, as I’m headed to the land of fish and chips and fried Mars bars. Not to mention gallons of beer.