Identity

DietGirl posts today on what she calls a “minor identity crisis,” in which she begins to think that her whole life is about her flab. It can certainly seem that way, when one focuses so much time, energy and effort in that direction (in dispelling the flab, that is). But I’m happy to say that, as a frequent reader of DietGirl and DietGirl’s other blog, I know there’s much more to Shawna than fat (or the lack thereof). They say to writers to “write what you know,” and that’s what she’s been doing thus far. And she’ll be able to continue to do so as “lard busting” becomes a smaller part of her life in the future.

As for me, I’m also suffering from an identity crisis, but it’s a bit different. Over the past few years, things have changed for me… dramatically. I fell in love, I got married. I got pregnant. We lost the baby. I was very sad and depressed. I got pregnant again. We moved across the country. I had a baby. So in a fairly short period of time, I went from swinging single and living in Manhattan to being a married mom and living in a suburb (A very nice suburb that I love, but a suburb all the same) of San Francisco. Over that same period, I gained a lot of weight. Stress and depression contributed to it. I was also able to gain so much because I started at a low weight, after having lost a decent amount over a 6 month period or so. So who am I after all this?

I wrestled with this a bit when I switched over to the new site design. I had the opportunity to create a new “about me.” My old one rambled a lot about my past and my weight gain and loss. The new “me” talks about how I like to do triathlons and run and cycle (even though I honestly haven’t done that stuff in a while, due to pregnancy and weight gain). I actually don’t have any hobbies at the moment — unless you consider blogging and cooking dinner every night as hobbies. My son is my hobby, I guess. There’s really not enough time for me to do much else at the moment, and I’m trying to be at peace with that — because the last thing I need is to add more stress to my life. But, as the “about me” says, I do enjoy doing those things, and I will do them again — or some variation of them — because that really IS who I am. I love being active. I love being outdoors. With the help of Core, and with time — as the boy becomes more able to, say, ride with me on the bike or in a jog stroller — things will fall back into place. Oh, and did I forget? It’ll also take hard work sticking to this eating plan.

I’m skipping weigh in this week, which is probably a good thing, because we will be out of town and I’ve been too busy to find another meeting. Look forward to hiking on Saturday and Sunday, and to feeling a bit more like myself.